Sunday, April 7, 2013

Relationship (Self-Esteem?) Advice

Today, I am donning my therapist stethoscope. What's that, you say? Shrinks don't get to scope? Well, shoot. I'm gonna keep it on anyway because it makes me look all sexy and smart and professional. Besides, this truly is a matter of the heart.

Okay then. I know plenty of people who say stuff like this: "I'll never find a woman."  "Why don't women like me?"  "Why can't a woman treat me right?"  "I'm so undesirable, stupid and fat."  "No one wants me." Maybe you're one of these people, and if so, here's what you need to do. Basically, quit the pity party. Quit broadcasting in public how down you are on yourself. You ARE smart and gorgeous and desirable. Even if you don't think you are. You are. I promise.

Here's the thing. As long as you're so down on yourself, finding the "right" woman will be difficult. Why? Bottom line: if you can't treat yourself right, why should anyone else? Certain kinds of people are drawn to people with lower expectations of themselves, and that doesn't make for a tasty dish (though it can make for a dramatic dish). Saying in public that you suck is likely to turn off exactly the kind of person you probably are looking to attract.

So. Take a few days to whine about yourself, but try to save it for private occasions. And then! Then find stuff to like about yourself. There IS plenty to like. Trust me. 

You still can't find anything to like? No problem. Fake it. Yep, that's right. Fake confidence. People are drawn to confident people. (Note: confidence is not arrogance. Arrogance is almost as much as a turn off as pity partiers.) Given enough fakery time, you may find that your confidence is turning into the real thing and that you're attracting a more-appropriate caliber of person.

You go, girl!

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