Sunday, October 16, 2011

Writing Durn Bad Book Reviews

On my other blog site, I write book reviews, among other things. Some of the reviews are quite a bit longer than others, and a couple have been so well received the books' (mainstream) authors Twitted about the reviews and commented on them.

Anyway, a lot of people wonder what makes a good review, and there's a lot of information on that out there. So I'm going to tweak the focus here a bit and tell y'all how to write a BAD review.

Then do the opposite to write a good review ;-)

To write the baddest, awfulest, crappiest review ever:
1. Do like a Thanksgiving meal and gorge the review on empty adjectives such as good, great, excellent, terrible, awful and so on -- with no follow-up. Say something like: "This book was good" and DO NOT EXPLAIN WHY. Never, never elaborate, especially with specifics. Explaining why and using specifics might move your review into decent territory.

2. Keep the review at one sentence with vague adjectives. Enough said! BUT if you're feeling fearless, write a long, long, long review with nothing but empty, vague, craptastic adjectives. Make your former English teacher cry.

3. Write at least one spoiler. Or better yet, write something completely wrong. Make up characters. Make up plot lines.

4. Be a little trickster and review another book entirely. Tee-hee!

5. Open a window. Gather the rules of the English language. Who needs periods, for example? Not a bad review! Toss everything out.

And there ya have it. Feel free to comment and leave more tips on how to make a BLAH BLAH BLAH review.


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